So, this is not intended to be anything more than just me, writing letters to my father. Memories that make me smile, memories that make me cry, and just away to keep the memory of my father alive. I am a terrible speller, my grammar is the worst. But, this blog isn’t for you, it’s for me. If you do happen to read any of this, just know, these are for a wonderful human that taught me everything and i miss him everyday.

Now, at this moment, i am having trouble pin pointing a memory. Today, i am missing my dad timing his day so he could interrupt my video meetings for work. I would take meeting on my back patio, enjoy the sun and being outside. He would always come in through the back gate, smiling that he was out of the camera, and not so gracefully ask me if i wanted beer, ( i still had an hour or more left in my meetings… damn it dad!). I would turn my camera and mic off and tell him i could wait. It was like he knew, i was back on camera, and would proclaim LOUDLY, “Which one is my beer?!” (I had growlers from the local brewery.) So, i would go back off camera to show him that they were labeled. Every time…. So frustrating. He would then pour himself a beer, and pour me one as well in the same mug. Because it was my biggest mug, and he wanted us to have similar pour. He would sit outside the camera and just listen. When i say listen, i would have to time turning my mic off when he would have thoughts or laugh. Toward the end, i would just let him make the comments and laugh. My coworkers, would then ask if, “is that papa reeves?!” Which would give my father the greatest joy. Every time i work from home now, i find myself looking to the back gate. Here i am, just waiting to see it open, to hear him have a sarcastic comment about me being lazy, or not working hard enough. My father was a man of few words, but when he spoke you listened. When i say few words, i mean, you had to speak his language to understand what he meant. He didn’t say, “I’m proud of you,” or “i love you” the same as others. He had a way of just making you feel it. He just was there. He just always showed up, no matter what time, no matter what it was. He was there. He never wanted you to be alone in an issue. I am so lost some days, because he isn’t here. I have never had to deal with these issues alone.

All of that being said, someone in my family has to step up and fill his shoes. I’ll never fill his shoes the same way, but I’ll be able to help my family in my own way. It’s the way he taught me. I know, he is watching, laughing, and has something sarcastic to say about how i am handling it.

Everyday is a new step without you, but i will always carry you with me. I love you dad, always do better than the ones before us.