So, i grew up in a Christian home. Later to find out my mother was the only one that believed in the church… my father didn’t. Being a middle child, i wanted to test my parents boundaries at all cost. My older brother is on the spectrum, my little sister could do no wrong. I was left with being the fuck up. I enjoyed having fun and partying till the lights were turned off. So, naturally… I found myself pulled over from time to time. This evening was different. I was a new driver. Being that i was the family fuck up, I couldn’t get my license till i was 17, so i fell under the new law in my state. I was an intermediate driver. I had times I couldn’t drive, and no humans without an adult. I wanted to be the party driver, so, so bad! My friends had planned a night, i just needed to sneak out. I said i was a Christian… did i forget to say i lived at a bible camp? Yeah made for sneaking out, extra sinful. But, i did it! I had snuck out of my room with pillows on my feet to the balcony deck, shimmied down, and PUSHED my car UP a hill to make sure no one heard the engine start. I drove to my friends houses and picked them up. I was so excited. We went on a party Hunt! No one tells you searching for a party when you aren’t invited, or homeschooled would be so hard. We drove for what felt like forever. We found a couple parties, none of which were worth staying. One of them, i jumped off a balcony to escape the police! That’s a whole thing… and for a different time. Anyways, we had searched far, and wide for a party… nothing. We made our way back through the biggest city by us on our way home…. When my speeding caught the attention of the local sheriff. Dispute my friends advice of, “out running them!”, i pulled over. The young police man walked up to see a very young human without maturity. He looked at my license and paused…. Sir, i have two choices for you…. 1.) i call your father…. 2.) you go to jail.

I for 30 seconds paused, and weighed my options. Either way dad was gonna find out. So, i gave my fathers direct cell number…. Hoping mom wouldn’t wake up.

The young cop returned, having spoken with my father… “Son, you get to go right home, your friends gets to come with me.” My father had made a deal, a deal id soon regret. I drove right home, (to the Bible camp), to see my dad and mother waiting for me at the dining room table. My mom could hold it in… only to be stopped by my dad with, “ just wait, him and i will speak in the morning when I’m rested!”

I waited half asleep in such anticipation, only to only be ‘asleep’ for 4 hours. Dad, “I’m awake, time to talk!” Kicking from my bed. That man worked me in the yard, the 35 acres of yard, for 8 + hours. Not saying a word, we kept working, hoping it would end in silence. Well, big surprise…. It didn’t. My father was so angry, mostly because my mom found out. What i learned that day, is… if mom finds out, i gotta beat you, if it’s just me, we can keep it between us! My fathers and my dynamic changed.

Dad, i had a mile stone today and you missed it. I know would have never if you were here. I love you, and god knows i miss you.

Always yours,

Your middle son